I cut firewood for my long weekend. It was exactly what I
wanted to do. Myself and two other girls, accompanied by our three dogs,
learned how to use a chainsaw and cut firewood in the blazing sun. Using the
chainsaw was harder than my Dad ever let o n. We were uncoordinated and clumsy
at first, but soon caught on and fell into a cutting-stacking routine. We lit a
campfire and sipped beer and devoured homemade pizza, congratulating our kick-ass
efforts. Who needs a man? we laughed. We talked about how fortunate we were all
living in log houses in the woods, with our dogs with jobs that held so much potential.
I am happy. Even when I have to drive three hours to pick up
flee medication, while feeling like the worst mother ever, I still love my life.
Sharing onion rings with Hugo helped ease that guilt and he agrees. I’m very
fortunate in life, and I know this. Last October I had my tarot cards read and was told that my world
would blow up in a year and I would meet my soul mate. I joke that perhaps Hugo will die
and I’ll just work a camp job, allowing me to travel the world during my time off.
There is this perception within North America that there is
only one way to live to be happy. The societal norm is to find a companion, a
house, perhaps a get dog but most certainly have a child or two. If we have
this lifestyle, we will be happy, they say. I don’t think this is the only way to
happiness. Dare I be so bold to say that most people who have followed this ideology
aren’t all that happy?
You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to be happy. Stop telling
people don’t have time. If it's important to you, you'll find a way to make it happen. You own everything that happens to you; you control your
life. What ruins your life is doing what is expected of you, not what
you want to do. Make active decisions. Happiness is a choice.
I am happy, but I know that there may 'come a time when I will become
discontent with my life, and maybe I will no longer love my house in the woods. I'll make small adjustments and change my routine,
but if that black hole of restlessness grows and that feeling of melancholy persists,
I’ll leave. Maybe the source of my life explosion will be me. Bring it on, soul mate.
Kindly,
Kirstin
For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you
want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of and if you find that you’re
not, I hope you have the strength to start over. - F.Scott Fitzherald.
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