Cancellation Policy

“Now,” I look up from the questions on the paper before me “we’ve talked about all of the great things about you. You’ve shared your attributes and qualities, but what would be your greatest weakness?” I brush a lose stand of hair behind me hear “Some would say this was an area of improvement”. I smile nicely after the last word improvement and make direct eye contact with the person seated at the front of the table; we call that chair the hot seat. It’s actually not the most difficult interview question we ask, but certainly one of the most interesting. And the three of us on the interview panel listen to the response while gently taking notes during the interview for entry level production position.

My standard response during an interview is that I’m not great at setting boundaries in my work-life. Simply said, I have a problem saying no. In fact my boss just pointed this out to me on Friday. When people come to me for help, help with a question, a favor, a task, an extra project, it is just so dang hard to tell them no, regardless of how busy I am. My plate gets fuller, my days longer and in turn my wine glass gets emptier and my work dreams crazier.

The complete answer to this interview question is to not only admit your weakness, but discuss how you’ve been working on it. With my assertiveness issues, I tell them that I’ll ask my colleague or boss when this needs to be done by and calculate if I truly have the ability to get it done. I’ll explain to my colleague what is on my plate of work chores and tell them when I’ll have time to help them with theirs.

Boom. Interview question answered.

So, professionally, I know my weaknesses and it seems very possible to tackle them, but from my personal life, this is so much messier.

...

It’s the end of the workday and my fingers wrap around the doorknob to our new[ly]-to-use purchased house. I’ve been working my full time job and coming home to my second job: renovations. Hugo bounds to the door ready to go for a walk. I’ve got an hour and fifteen minutes before I go to yoga because I must go to yoga. I need go to yoga; I’ve already missed three of our weekly classes. Last week my yoga instructor Nicole kindly Facebook messaged me asking if I was planning on attending her class and I admitted that I was not. And I felt incredibly guilt ridden. When I was asked if I was going to sign up for a six week Active Flow Class I said yes, when I should have said no. And I think we all know where this is going. My greatest weakness is that I am an incredibly flakey person.

I’ll agree to going driving into the city with my girlfriends, I’ll sign up for a $75 yoga course, I’ll commit to a night out dancing, only to fake out and cancel at the last minute. I’ll have legit reasons, truly. At the time I made the commitment I really did want to go. Or perhaps I have a hard time saying no to the person asking and then when the time comes, I can’t keep my promise. My life is in chaos right now with doing home reno’s in a time crunch and having a full-time job. But, is that really an excuse? I mean, I haven’t been doing renovations my whole life. And it seems this fault has been going on for as long as I can remember. Some days, I’m feeling incredibly introverted and I just don’t want to be all people-ey. But, I don’t bail guilt free. I feel awful about it for days, it's like the cancellation hangover. With that last Active Flow class, I walked into that yoga studio fearful that I was going to be shamed right back out the same way I came into those doors*.

And here’s the real problem. I’m not sure how hard I have been trying to change. The Hunter and I had a pretty solid argument about it a few months ago, before we were even living together. This wasn’t even the argument, but somewhere in the middle I was left speechless “You’re indecisive and you can’t commit to anything.” He spat, “Well unless it’s travelling” he sneered. And there it was. All of my ugly. I don’t know if he actually sneered, but did it ever hit home.

 So, I get it. It’s time to work on my weakness. Very slowly, I’ve begun truly thinking about what I’m agreeing before I say yes and think about the repercussion of bailing, because that's what it all comes down to. I want to be a good person and a good friend and I know how this effects my reputation when I change my mind last minuet. Accountability helps, although it makes me nearly cry, please feel free to call me out on it, when you make plans with me, you can confirm that I will follow thru. When I cancel at previously arranged plans I know I’m perhaps losing friendships that I’m not prepared to have happen. Acceptable or not, the impression I leave behind when I act like a flaky person makes me out to be someone I don’t want to be: unreliable, undependable. And that’s not who I am.

Admittedly,

A girl working on her flaws.

In terms of like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroine. - John Mulanie

*Nicole was lovely ask ever, but kicked my ass for an hour – Karma at its finest