I got it from my Mum.

My Mom confidently told me one wine induced evening that God gives every Mother the child they were meant to have. I’m not particularly a religious person, and neither is my Mom, but this observation has stuck with me.

I don’t want to be a Mother. This isn’t a faze, something I will grow out of nor will I change my mind should I meet the right partner. I’m sure I could be a Mother, and with my support system, probably a pretty good one, but I just don’t want to be a Mother. I know I've vocalized this all too regularly on this Blog, and you're probably pretty tired of it, but I'll stop preaching when I stop getting asked when I'm having children, or that one day I'll regret this decision.

But lets just be clear, I have a colossal amount of respect for all the Mothers out there. Most of this comes from finally understanding what it took for my Mom to raise a trio of girls by watching my two sisters as they raise their two girls. 

My nieces are fun to be around and well behaved because my sisters put the time and effort into strategically bringing up well behaved girls who just so happen to turn fun.

Natalie was the first tiny human I've ever cared for, I've never felt a love like that, so I can only imagine the love her Mom feels for her.  I’ll scroll through Facebook and randomly come across photos of Heidi and habitually my heart screams Mine!, thanks to sharing genes with my sister, I feel like that child is a tiny bit mine.

Danika, being my Step-daughter, sporadically calls me Auntie which makes it all the more special when she does. She tattles on me when I don’t use my manners and she also calls me a hippy and is convinced that being vegetarian is contagious, and I’m okay being the weird and fun aunt. The day I left for Aisa, Shawna called me to say goodbye, and her Step-daughter, Willow, was hollering in the background “Don’t forget my elephant” – that kid is going places.

The up-all-nighters and work-life balance is something I can’t imagine doing. How do you prioritize when it’s all priorities? Shawna came up for a visit while Heidi had a cold, and I had a horrible visit - her coughing and wheezing hurt my heart and created such anxiety that I was quite relieved when Dad drove her to the airport. Shawna was composed and calm while my brain was on fire.

Both my sisters have Step-children but you wouldn’t know it. They way they love those girls, truly demonstrates that blood is not an ingredient needed to create or be a part of a family. I have been fortunate to be surrounded by strong, diverse women all my life. So many women role models have influenced and shaped my view of life and my life choices. I so appreciate the role that they've played and how it's impacted the role that I play today; I only hope to make an impact like that throughout my life.

  

My Mom was never really fazed by any of my adult decisions or life choices, but I often wonder if she ever thought she’d have a daughter like me. The thing is, I know that I get my determination from her genes. Through her actions, she’s taught me and my sisters to push the female boundaries, and in-general, question society rather than living between the ordinary lines. Every bit of my, Megan and Shawna’s strong and and independent personality are a direct result of her being our Mother. 

My Mom confidently told me one wine induced evening that every Mother is built to have the child they were given. I believe this about those four girls, my fleet of feminists, because my sisters are spectacular Mothers and I couldn’t imagine how I would have turned out if I didn’t have a Mum like mine.

Kirstin

Mum, I just wanted to say congratulations, I turned out perfectly.

The . Taboo

My most memorable Period story took place a few years ago, and it was actually a result of a forgotten O.B tampon. I knew I was nearing the end of my Period, but due to the fear of spotting through my jeans and absolutely hating the feeling of the diaper-like pad on my rear (I swear I even walk bull legged when I wear one), I threw in a tampon so I could just forget about it. It seems I took that literally, because it was during a very intimate moment, and I mean intimate, that my partner mentioned that he could feel something up there. I freaked out. After a four in the morning visit to Emerge where a nurse calmed me down promised that this happens regularly and that no, I do not in fact have Toxic Shot Syndrome, the doc found my tampon quite a ways up, around a corner. My sister insisted that was the best sex story she ever did hear. 

For years afterwards, I still continued to use O.B tampons until the very end of my Period, because, despite being quite embarrassed having to confess to the nurse about the lost and then stuck tampon, not to mention possible physical issues that could have resulted, still it would have been simply mortifying to have an Period ‘accident’ in public. 

Why are Periods so taboo? Why is a natural part of a woman’s menstrual cycle such an embarrassment? In many religions and cultures throughout the world women can’t participate in religious practices or even everyday customs if they are menstruating. In rural parts of India, women cannot cook when they have their Period because its considered unclean. When I was in Southeast Asia in Thailand I was unable to enter into Temple if I was on my Period. There were even signs posted. In Canada, we may not be told that we can't participate in everyday activities if we have our Period, but we are told to be discrete about it. Every advertisement tells us to keep our Period secret, it's common knowledge that conversations about your Period while being around a male, is uncomfortable and even rude, and that's not even directly discussing it with them. So we invest in expensive and often harmful products (ever question what putting a beached tampon into your down stairs is doing to you in the long run?) to hide our natural cycle when menstruating like a dirty little secret.

I don’t keep track of my cycle. I’ve been alive for twenty-nine years, a good number of those years I’ve been menstruating, and I have no idea if I’m regular not. Now, due to being a long distance runner and having an IUD, I rarely get my Period. Typically I just spot when I do a long, hard run. But, when I was regularly menstruating, I hated having sex during that time of the month. My constant partner(s) insisted they didn’t mind, but I sure did. I just didn’t feel attractive. I felt gross, even. I’m ashamed of my Period. It would be horrific to get it in public. And I think most women would agree with this fear. I know the stigma around my menstruation cycle is bullock which makes it even worse that I participate in ways that keep this stigma going. I like O.B tampons because they’re discrete both in and outside of my body.

Menstruating is very much a natural part of being a woman. Your Period is simply the egg and the lining of your uterus coming out of your vagina. This happens to almost every woman in the world, so why are we so ashamed of a little blood?  If a woman shows a slight more emotions than usual, or even voices her opinion with a less than level tone, then this vocal outrage, this dramatic expression is simply a result of  her PMSing. "Are you on your period, you're being very emotional?" How typical. How insulting. How infuriating. I’m just going to say it and feel free to put me in my place (feminist pun intended), but I don’t think being emotional is a Premenstrual Symptom, I think it’s just an excuse for society to take something directly and distinctly female and actually quite remarkable and twist it into something negative.

In 2015, Kiran Gandhi ran a marathon in London while she was on her Period without using any type of sanitary supplies. She knowingly did this as a way to break the negative stigma around women’s menstruation cycle. When you live with a group of females, their menstruation cycles actually syncs up, which think is actually kind of empowering. If you spend enough time outside, your cycle can sync to the cycle of moon, which is actually kind of beautiful. I know that a woman getting her Period is a very physical demonstration of womanhood, which is actually even more ironic that it’s so shamed; or perhaps given societal views on women and patriarchy, it almost makes sense that there’s so much humiliation when it comes to menstruating. I’m working on being okay with my Period. I'm working on celebrating my cycle rather than shaming it, despite what society is telling me. I think this post is just one more step forward.

Graciously,

Kirstin

 I need feminism because no, I'm not on my period just because I voiced my opinion.