These sins of mine

 There is this mountain that each pilgrim had to tackle on the early stages of the Camino called Alro Del Perdon - mountain of forgiveness. It's certainly not the hardest hills to climbed during the journey, but there's something so gratifying about finally within touching distance to the windmills that each pilgrim has been constantly viewing and will continue to spot and grimace at the sight of due to the fear of having to see those gigantic posts up close again which would mean yet another steady climb.

Essentially, the concept of the Alro Del Perdon is that with climbing the mountain and carefully going down its steep incline, you are forgiven of your sins past and present

My newfound American friend who greatly aided in the success of this walk thanks to distractions of fantastic story telling and our common love for Harry Potter (I've booked a tour in London, FYI) explained that she believed when one dies, for her, she views purgatory as a time when one reviews the more thoughtless and shameful moments of one's life and commentating these times with a particular Him *cringe*.

But truly, most 20+ kilometer days and hours of walking were spent appreciating just how blessed I am.

But what's really taken two glasses of vino blanca to admit closely followed by a third to type onto my phone (it's rest day - Rest days are for drinking), is that I don't feel that I need forgiveness for these sins of mine.

I don't regret the cockiness that was acquired as I became good at my last job. Yelling at superintendents over payroll, and perhaps running my mouth for a little too long has made me strong when my confidence fails. It has helped me work on being less passive aggressive and directly stating how I really feel rather than ponder over the previous conversation. I won't apologize for remaining in constant contact with my sisters during my life abroad and my mom texting the Hunter more than me, while I failed to introduce the Hunter to my dad when they first met at my sister's for the first time. We're not in a good place right now and so that's how I'm choosing to cope with it - by not. Despite sometimes wondering how often I lean on wine for my vocal boldness I'm still planning on brewing my own batch come September. I love some of the Hunters People more then my own. I'm not sorry.

But there's the thing: like my accomplishments, these sins have etched me into who I am. That bridge I burned at my Golden, BC job made it so South America would become one hell of an adventure -destinations, friends, hookups and all. My lack of relationship with my own family has made me fall in love with the Hunter's own. And breaking up with a boy before Asia makes me realize what a big deal it is to want to stay in a relationship in Europe and I miss the shit out of the Hunter. Every. Single. Day.

So I've reached Santiago. I'm still in complete denial about this fact. I've decided to continue onwards to Finnistere to the ocean where I'll focus on walking solo and enjoy the solitude. I've got less than 3 weeks in Europe and a little under 100 kilometres to go and I promise you, it won't be spent on asking for forgiveness.

Kindly,

Kirstin

Not all storms disrupt your life,  some come to clear your path.