Panties: A confessional post

I’m having a love affair with panties. And let me tell you, I’ve got quite the collection. 

 

I've got lace panties and boy styled a-plenty
I've got running undies and booties shorts galore
You want sexy and seamless?
I've got twenty!

My underwear addiction could have something to do with the fact that I haven’t got much to work with up top. I could never financially justify surgically moving down the alphabet of bra size, but ethically, I don’t have a problem with that option, it’s just hard investing in a bust line and in return sacrificing my loosely planned two month travel adventure hiking the Camino Del Santiago. So slowly, oh so slowly, I’m learning to accept my small chest. Working out and doing push-ups have been adding muscle to my Pecs thus making my petite bust-line hold their own and I’ve cleverly accessorized with a pretty sexy sternum tat, if I do say so myself. I’ve also been toying with the idea of ridding myself of the bra altogether. Truly, other than a sports bra when running, with a size like mine, the only function the everyday lace bra serves me is by emphasizing my bust and discretely covering up the nipple. Feminist whispers have been quietly questioning the need to wear these padded, often uncomfortable bras, all to save face and hide the nipple. Why we are simultaneously sexualizing and shaming female breasts? It seems like just another clever ploy to keep women as the second sex. This is probably another post, all on its own #freethenipple

 So, I drove into Prince George yesterday, as I was lucky enough to be selected as one of the chosen four girls to help find a dear friend a wedding dress for her big event come August. It’s always such a surprise, when I once again realize how stressful wedding planning is. I was hit with that same mixture of energy and envy when she came out of the dressing room with her dress on. The dress that hugged her perfectly, accentuated her (and not lacking, might I add) bust line and made her feel as happy she should feel when she legally and publicly binds herself to the love of her life. I believe in divorce more than I believe the theory of an eternal marriage, but wedding still make me cry, and I love attending them knowing that they truly believe in their forever love. And as the guy who gives me butterflies, oh so boldly pointed out, one fireball and wine induced night, I can’t fathom the idea of the love contract because my soulmate hasn’t asked me yet. The idea of choosing to be with one person for a long time and not simply a good time is unfathomable because the subject with that person hasn't been broached yet. He’s got me there. So, once the deposit was placed on the champagne coloured dress, which promised to arrive promptly before the date of I do’s did, I snuck away to purchased my own ideas of happiness: Panties.

So, I’m searching through the vast selections and shapes of undies to find my size. And this is what kills me: Panty sizes are still embarrassingly dis-proportioned. I’m a pretty petite person, despite those body issues I can’t quite shake (see two paragraphs above), and at times, my eating habits that could truthfully offset to the side of a disorder, how in the hell is my underwear size a Medium? I weigh 115lbs; I wear a size twenty-freakin'-nine for jeans. My butt is not a Medium.

Why, when everything else in the world has been tagged smaller, despite being larger – think beverage cups, where in North America, ordering a Medium Tim Horton’s Coffee is really a Large and one restaurant portion size has ballooned into multiple servings which absurdly... normal – how are underpants marked Larges and X-Larges when they are bloody teeny-tiny? Underwear lines that accentuate my muffin top do not make me feel sexy, and so sometimes I take home a Large just to be sure this doesn't happen. 

This marketing strategy isn't something I pretend to understand. I will not buy more of this product if I feel like crap. And making me feel larger than I am (or any women, for that matter) does not encourage me to purchase more of this product. I'm not sure why the goal would be to limit the women, based solely on body type, on who can fit and therefor purchase the item. Is the target market here, truly dependent on body size?  And if this is the case, would I, as one of the small pool of individuals able to purchase [and fit into] the size Medium panties, feel more privileged if I fit into a size Small? And would that persuade me to buy more of these undies? Immediately, my reaction to this is that this is completely absurd with one big fat Hell No, but then I waiver, ever so slightly.

 I've never bought my Delicates from the box stores such as Walmart, Superstore or even The Bay. Why is that?  I don't think the quality of Le Vie en Rose, Victoria's Secret or Le Senza's undergarments is any higher despite the price tag certainly being so. Nor do I think their products are any prettier than the specialty store. And this is when I admit to myself and the entire audience on the 'net that maybe it's the advertising that quite literally, draws me in. It's those Atomic Blond Bombshells with hip bones and perky breasts. It's the posters of babes with perfect abs and ideal arms muscles - but not too muscular.

Although embarrassed and ashamed at times I have been, lied I have not, so I'll uncomfortably admit, that when I see that life size picture of the all-too confident female with her barely there lingerie flush against her skin,  I enter the store, because I too am confidently aware, strutting on in in my size twenty-nine size American Eagles, that I've got the ass made for those panties (and not the other way around). What those lingerie adds are really saying, is that in a world of indulgence and a society where obesity is exceedingly present within North America, only those who can demonstrate self control, display some sort of restraint against our highly addictive fast food nation, combined with disciplined exercise are elite enough to shop in shop such as this.

What is that word when you realize you are following the society normal that go directly against everything that you stand for?

Today I will just wear underwear, and a crown.