Every time I splurge on a new Lulu Lemon top, there is this feeling
of excitement comes over me, as soon as I click checkout, on the website. And you know what I'm referring to. I tare
open the package as soon as it arrives and nearly rip off my top to put on the new Lulu. I run my
hands over the silky material, where this feeling of content sweeps over me as
I admire the new top in a mirror. I swear to you, these endorphins double up when
I put on the new top to go for a run. But after time, this feeling of excitement
wears off and when someone tells me that they like it, I merely smile.
This is called Hedonic Adaptation: essentially, we get used to materialistic objects. I learned this from a podcast with Laurie Santos that my sister recommended. Hedonic Adaptation is the theory
that all new material objects, over time, lose their human value, and this
makes sense to me. What I didn’t realize is that the same goes for big life
changes: with all the best things in life, we get used to them over time.
Like everyone else I knew, I wanted to get travel again, I
wanted things to go back to normal, I wanted to feel normal. I was seeking comforts of a close friend I hadn’t seen
in two years since an opportunity came up and she moved East. When the opportunity arose, and I felt
mentally healthy again I chatted with my friend Lisa, and we solidified a date
for me to come see her in Montreal.
Everything that was once routine had suddenly became bright
and shiny again; the flights across Canada had three layovers, but rather than
dreading the length of travel, I reveled in walking in circles around the Vancouver
airport: wading through the Canada Games ensemble at Lulu Lemon pop-up store. I’m
a Lulu brand-whore, but even the outfits they created for the Canada Games –
Lulu Lemon logo or not - were too tacky for even me. I smiled as I people
watched while standing in the Starbucks line as I inched forward to order a six
dollar latte. I found a secluded corner in the Toronto airport, slipped off my
facemask and followed along to a Yoga by Adrien youtube class.
I was accompanied by rain, wind and snow for the first two
days as I walked the streets of Montreal in awe. It might very well be my favorite
city in Canada: it’s known for being a walking city and having fine foods like good cheese, both things I rather love. I checked out some walking parks while admiring
the cobblestone houses that were accentuated by their splaying verandas. I was
told Montreal seemed very European, which I agree it did. With that, I assumed
the French acceptance of underarm hair followed suit. I noted as partook in my very
first in-person yoga class since 2019, that I was wrong, and embraced my own fluffy
pits that I had been strutting around with in BC for month in anticipation of
this adventure.
If I’m being honest, I did little research in preparation
for a week of Montreal, I was in disbelief that I was actually going to board
the plane. It took booking the flight to find the courage to book my second
COVID Vaccine. I knew my anxiety was a huge reason for the destruction of my mental
health, which in turn distressed my body, but I was also confident a reaction
to the vaccine played a part as well. After getting my second vaccine, my
mental health toolbox, and everything I learned to help calm my anxiety quite
naturally went out the window. I slowly talked myself out of the rabbit hole of
heart palpations and spinning thoughts of dread, I went to bed early and woke
up feeling weary, but healthy. I gave myself a buffer of four weeks of reassurance
before I had to board my flight.
My extroverted engineer friend, Lisa took time off and we
explored Old Montreal together. We sat in a brewery with a flight of beers and got
caught up on our lives, and it seemed the global pandemic when affecting her and
her partner as much as it had derailed my own life. It had been so long since I
had seen her, and it was nice to talk to someone who was going though her own
issues related to COVID. She is this strong,
honest woman who knows no secrets of my own life, so it was fantastic being so
transparent with her and getting candid, unfiltered feedback, and I tried to do
the same in return. These are the people that stay in your life forever.
Lisa and her partner Eric took me out for dinner, where I
tried my very first Poutine. As the server scanned my Vaccine Passport, he
noted I was from BC, so he put sour cream and chives on the dish, which he promised
would make it even better. As the days got fewer the quality of my poutine did
too, as I ordered an Italian poutine and Lisa and I sipped our pints of Budd in
a bar that looked liked it didn’t fair well though COVID either. I happily ate
my terrible poutine while watching live blues music, with water dripping through
the ceiling, acting as a type of metronome. It was a perfect ending to trip.
As we get through this pandemic, I remind myself that my life will never be the same as it was in 2019. As so many people, I had to rebuild myself in order to survive the Pandemic. I would have never worked on my mental health had I not been forced to, nor would I have ever been so transparent about it had I not been forced to take time off work, where much of my community was asking about absence from work, but also in life. Hedonic Adaptation isn’t only about life changes and materialistic object losing their excitement end shine, but it’s also about tragic events and negative experiences losing their terror and worry as the time goes on. I’m not cured; my mental health is something I work on every day, as I struggle with it with getting my Japanese Encephalitis, as I check my blood pressure again, just to be sure. My anxiety is under control, but it also adds another layer to the typical simplicity of quitting my job (losing my medical health benefits) and booking flights (losing first world hospital). It’s amazing and the right choice for me, but it’s not easy.
Montreal was the perfect place to turn thirty-four. It seemed that I had escaped the ‘hoof to simply find the some normalcy, like coffee shop conversations, in-person yoga and visiting with a good friend in person: the reversal of Hedonic Adaptation
Kindly,
Kirstin
embrasse le glorieux gâchis que tu es
