I was breathing pretty heavy at the beginning of the hike and was trying not to be too concerned about that. I was focusing on the ground, following Kayla's lead - For me, if a hike was difficult, it was easier to not think about anything other than keeping up with the other person. Our destination was just over five kilometers and, while trying to pace my breathing, I kept telling myself that I've done longer and harder hikes, but really, all I could hear was my heavy inhale and exhales and my heart thudding loudly between my ears. This is allowed to be hard, I reminded myself. This was the first hike I've committed to being a hundred percent self-sufficient. With both of us having busy schedules (for fun and for work) Kayla and I had committed to hiking Raven Lake weeks ago, and I asked if I could borrow her smaller tent as I would like to try my heart at carrying all of my belongings on my own back. With any overnight hike, I would split the weight of the tent, fuel and the Jetboil, used for cooking, with whoever I hiked with, but this time Kayla and I had two of everything.
Despite the previous getaways and working on house renos, I had been working out and being active on the regular. I committed to gym workouts up at the mine as well as getting 10,000 walking steps in daily, which felt pretty impossible give my sedentary desk job and a 12-hour workday. The trick was to have an audio book and only allow myself to listen to it when walking. There was a trail at the mine that I was walking on in the 5:30PM darkness (thank you winter) and listened to a lot of Kristin Hannah books. I never encountered any wildlife. Or maybe I did and didn't hear it. I was also using our workout room when I was on my weeks at home. I was feeling really good about my strength and my body, and thought hiking Raven Lake with my life fully on my back was a good challenge.
The trail moved uphill, but also leveled out after each switchback, which provided a welcomed relief. As a distraction, I kept picking, chewing and then spilling out dried up huckleberries. It was a fairly popular trail as there was a new cabin that you could reserve a bed at, and I was looking forward to cooling off at the lake. The hardest part is when the trail started going back downhill, simply for the sake of going uphill again. Finally, with shaky legs and sweaty backs, we saw wooden tent pads. I dropped my backpack and dug around inside of it to find food. Hiking food is my favorite food. It's not something I skimp on in quantity or quality. And the dehydrated meals taste amazing. I don't know if it's due to altitude, exhaustion or replenishing my salt content, but I just can't get enough of those dinners. Tonight was lasagna noodles with dehydrated meat.
Kayla and I put up our tents - her pole broke, so we used our imagination to get her set up so her and her dog Ryley slept comfortably, and then did some exploring. There was a ridge we could have continued to make our way towards, and I bet Kayla was game (please note, she carried a bigger tent and dog food amongst other things I did not), but I was exhausted and just wanted to take a look around. We followed a trail that meets up with the Grizzly Den trail, where there's another cabin, and Kayla and I started talking about this hiking option this time next summer. We followed the trail and I felt so light on my feet without my backpack, and ended up making our way towards the water. Both of us stripped down and entered the water. It was so refreshingly and wonderfully cold. There is something so cleansing about swimming in ice cold lake water in the middle of the forest after a hard hike. It immediately takes your breath away, but you just can't get out yet. It's rejuvenating, almost like a new second start. We stayed in long enough that the rocks no longer hurt our feet while going to the shore. 
After more exploring and admiring the cabin, we sat down and played Go Fish, the only card game we could remember, while I sipped a hot chocolate (something that it overly sweet at home, but on the mountain, I love). We made our way into each of our tents long before dark where I read and fell asleep bloated and gassy thanks to the dehydrated meals that I can't help but love.
The following day, after instant oatmeal with artificial and delicious fruit-like flavoring, we slowly made our way back down the hill, chatting about our next hiking trip and catching the views that I seemed to have missed on the way up yesterday, when I was in survival mode focusing on my footsteps rather than my surroundings.
Kayla and I agreed to hiking Mount Robson at the end of September, which is an incredibly well-known multiday hike in Northern, BC. Kayla had hiked the first section, I believe in both summer and winter, that ended at the majestic Kinney Lake, and we were looking forward to seeing the roaring Emperor Falls, which would take about three nights to get to. I had mentally made a list of some other things I wanted to do outside which included getting more into trail running and snowshoeing Livingston Springs come winter.
At the time of the hike, that was probably the healthiest I have ever been mentally; I gave my notice at the mine because they weren't able to accommodate mine and Mike's schedule, as he started there in July and wouldn't put us on the same rotation, which meant that we would literally never see each other. After three years in camp, I was ready to find a job where I could walk to work and end my workday or at least start my workday, in the sunshine. I was sad to go, but during my time I learned so much in the Human Resources world and I was able to create solid boundaries between my work-life and personal-life. I was in a better place, mentally, with my body, where I wasn't hyper-fixated on what I what I ate. With upping my workouts and being more active, I've been eager to push my body to the limits to see how much I've grown.
February 14, 2026: After pushing my mind and body to a whole new level for the past 32 weeks, I've come to understand what my body is truly capable of.
Kirstin
I know that my body is working perfectly.
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